


Tending Rose's Thorns

by EsseR3xinaLives



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon), Steven Universe The Movie - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Mentions of Spinel, More to be added... eventually, mentions of Pearl - Freeform, mentions of the diamonds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2020-11-25 15:53:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20914652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EsseR3xinaLives/pseuds/EsseR3xinaLives
Summary: Steven has learned more about his mother than he's cared to know, but maybe he can learn to find empathy for her too.





	1. Rose

**Author's Note:**

> As much as I love SU, I feel like they have needlessly vilified Rose, so I wanted to write this to give her perspective. Please enjoy =)

Things were finally becoming peaceful.

Not that he believed that’d last long.

He gave a long sigh as he flipped onto his belly to lay flat on his bed. The gems were happy, now being free after spending two years on Homeworld helping decolonize the many planets that had been dominated by the diamonds’ rule. Spinel was happy, now with a new home and new guests to entertain as she returned to Homeworld to complete the diamonds’ missing family piece. The Crystal Gems and Beach City were happy, now that the diamonds and Spinel weren’t spending every second of their free time deciding how to best destroy the earth. Everything was going to be fine.

…

But it wasn’t.

He pretty much told Spinel that it wasn’t. That things would never be fine.

Never… because of _her._

He bristled slightly at the thought. He _hated_ thinking about his mom, but that was all his life revolved around anymore. Saving the world from the other diamonds because _she_ abandoned them. Keeping Spinel from destroying the Earth because _she_ abandoned her. Bringing the Crystal Gems back together, reintroducing Bismuth, even his own father. She abandoned them all!

How could he have been related to someone so selfish!

He groaned as he got up. Maybe if he made himself a snack it’d take his mind off everything and he could finally relax. It seemed like a great idea, making himself his signature bologna sandwich with extra mayo, but before he could even take his first bite he caught sight of _her._

He tried to ignore her. He closed his eyes as he moved in to take his first bite, but he just couldn’t!

She abandoned her family!

She abandoned her friends!

She abandoned everyone! Leaving them shattered or corrupted as Steven had to go around and pick up the pieces!

“It just isn’t fair!”

He smashed her portrait against the floor as he panted heavily. A part of him worried about what Pearl would say when she found the broken portrait, but another part of him was indifferent. If Pearl really loved that picture then she should’ve put it in her room in the temple and not left it in his house for it to haunt him forever. Pearl didn’t understand!

He stomped on the picture, his sandal digging into the parchment where Rose’s gem lay embedded in her stomach before feeling something odd under his foot. He slowly crouched down, inspecting the picture diligently where, tearing through the gem within the picture, a small key became present. He lifted the key, it was small and golden and just as irksome as the woman whose picture he’d found it in. Honestly, the last time he found a key it took him forever to figure out where it went to! What was he going to do with this one?!

He gave a sigh before deciding he didn’t really have any choice. “Lio-!”

He turned around. Lion was right in front of him waiting expectantly for whatever Steven needed of him as the boy gave him a pat on the head.

“Thanks Lion, I can always count on you.”

Lion simply gave a groaning yawn as Steven held his breath and transported into his mane. He knew exactly where he was going to try the key. If it didn’t work there, then he’d probably just leave the key behind and forget about it.

After all, anything regarding his mom never turned out to be anything good.

He shook his head before shoving the key in the chest, eager to unleash its contents and get his new discovery over with. He turned the key, hearing a surprisingly satisfying click before opening the chest.

It was a book.

Steven took it with intrigue, noting that there was nothing written on the outside, but flipping through the pages he could tell it was full and in English even. He hugged the book to his chest before making his way back to the pink fields and diving back into his living room. He took a deep inhale as he could finally let air rush into his lungs before taking another glance at the book.

“What do you think this is Lion?”

Lion simply yawned before padding across the couch and settling down for a nap.

“Come on Lion, you say that about everything I find in your mane!” Steven half-heartedly complained before he walked up the stairs and stretched out on his bed. He inspected the cover. It was definitely his mom’s considering the pink cover with the rose insignia printed on the front, but there were no other indicators to determine what it actually was.

So he turned to the first page.

_Dear Steven,_

_It appears my time has finally run out, hasn’t it? I’m not sure if I ever thought this day would happen since I thought Pearl would likely keep my memory preserved till the end of times, but I can’t help but feel grateful. Pearl deserved someone so much better than me. Just as the Crystal Gems deserved a better leader than me, Garnet and Amethyst deserved a better friend than me, Greg deserved a better lover than me, the other diamonds deserved a better sister than me, the Homeworld and colony gems deserved a better ruler than me and you deserved a better mother than me. I knew you all deserved so much more than what I was giving, but I didn’t know how I could give more. As a diamond I was created to rule over other gems, a mission I failed at miserably as my sisters were constantly reminding me. And so I became Rose to help liberate other gems, which only led to their annihilation. I tried to fight against it, but the more I went on the more I could tell that White was obviously right. That I’m a brat, that I’m defective, that I’m such a failure. And I knew I was a failure as a diamond, but being a failure as myself was even harder to bear. I didn’t know what to do. Gems don’t change. They simply are. And yet there I was, a diamond disguised as a common quartz, never able to have my sisters see the real me, or my friends see my shameful past._

_It became clear to me that I could never succeed at doing any good for anyone, no matter how hard I tried._

_And so I’m glad that you’ve gotten rid of me. I no longer have to try to be the perfect leader, or the perfect ruler, or anything else. I can finally just be. But, before I can finally be at peace with this, I want to write a letter and apologize to everyone who I know I’ve hurt with my incompetence. I know it won’t change what happened, but I just need to have some place where I can tell them that I did care, I just didn’t know what to do._

_I didn’t know how to change._

_Things are different now though. I don’t have to change._

_I don’t even exist anymore._

_So do as you wish with these letters Steven, for I will ask for neither forgiveness nor understanding._

_I’m very well aware I don’t deserve either._

_Always with love,_

_Rose_


	2. Glitterstar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Steven Universe: Future ended... Being completely honest i was disappointed. So much of the original series' last season, as well as the latest series, felt like it might've led to Steven coming to better understand his mother and how her struggles mirrored a lot of the struggles Steven faced towards the end of Future. At least I can keep that idea running with this fic. Anyways, thanks to so many of you for reading and kudosing. I absolutely appreciate all the support and hope you all enjoy the latest chapter!

The first person I want to apologize to is Glitterstar.

You’ve been there for me since the beginning, however long ago that was.

I was so excited when I finally got you.

My very own Pearl.

And yet, you were so quiet. So disciplined.

So very much everything I wasn’t.

But you were also very patient.

Something I didn’t understand the importance of until much too late.

I would always complain about the balls. They were so dull with me just sitting there and watching as every gem did what they were supposed to. My sisters would always remind me that there were things that I was supposed to do too. Sit up. Keep your back straight. Smile.

I couldn’t figure out how they could smile in moments of no joy. It just made no sense to me.

It made no sense to pretend to be someone I wasn’t.

I was never meant for the role my sisters had intended for me. I began to believe that there was no way that I was really a diamond because my sisters were so perfect.

And I was such a failure.

And every time they brought it up to me, I didn’t know how to respond. I wanted to be angry, but that just revealed my flaws. I wanted to be sad, but that just made me immature. I wanted to talk to my sisters about how I felt, but that just made me selfish.

They were probably right about me being selfish. It all came out on you.

You never deserved it. You were just trying to help. You stood by me with every choice I made, even when it would go against my sisters’ wills, but you’re the one who I unleashed my anger and sadness on.

And it hurt you.

_I_ hurt you.

I didn’t mean to, I just… I was desperate to prove myself to them. To show them I wasn’t a failure. To show them that I could do just as well as them. Homeworld regiments were too constricting, but give me a colony and I promised I’d make them proud.

But they wouldn’t let me.

They didn’t think I could.

They didn’t think I was worthy of being a diamond.

I knew those weren’t the reasons, but that’s all that would resonate in my head. That’s all I could think about.

And I was desperate to prove them wrong.

I could be just like them. Ruthless, merciless, uncaring. I _was_ just like them.

After all, I hurt you.

I know I apologized then. I knew it wasn’t enough. I knew you said it was fine.

I knew it really wasn’t.

It was so obvious that it wasn’t.

And I couldn’t bear the sight of it. No matter how much I cried it never went away.

And every time my sisters brought it up it only made those feelings worse.

The anger. The sadness.

But I knew I couldn’t be near you in those moments. I knew if I did, I would just hurt you again.

So instead I went to White's room.

I unleashed all my rage there. All the anger. All the sadness.

All in an empty room for White to return to.

As soon as she found me I was immediately sent off to the tower where Blue gave me an earful. I was too wild. Too uncouth. Too out of control.

I shouted back then. Shouted that none of them cared. That I was just a nuisance. That they all liked me better when I was locked away where I couldn’t bother any of them.

She told me that White was taking you away.

I didn’t respond to her after that.

I already knew.

I knew that if I did something absolutely outlandish you would be taken from me. That White would confiscate you. But that was the point. White was perfect.

And I was anything but.

Of course she started using you as her Pearl. Parading you around as her perfect servant as I would always avoid your eyes. I knew she did it to humiliate me, but it’s what I deserved.

And you deserved better.

It wasn’t until now that I realized what better was.

I tried to change. To learn patience like you had. To learn discipline like you had.

To be perfect… not in the way that White was, but the way you were.

You were my perfect Pearl and my greatest friend. And I always wished I could’ve gone back to bring you to Earth. To sincerely apologize for what I had done. To atone for the way my anger caused you to suffer. To show you the wonders of a free world without the Diamonds' rule. To give you the better version of myself that you deserved.

To meet you again as a friend, not a diamond.

And I’m so sorry for all of it. For taking my anger out on you. For making the decision to force you under White’s servitude. For abandoning you on Homeworld. I can only hope that, if you ever get this letter, that it’s under better and freer circumstances.

After all, it’s what you deserve.

Yours sincerely,

Rose


	3. Spinel

The next person I need to apologize to is Spinel.

Honestly, I was skeptical when my sisters presented you to me. You were everything I had always wanted as I wasted away my time trying to get anyone to notice me.

You were my friend.

But you came at a disastrous time.

After all, Glitterstar had just been reclaimed by White to be paraded around as my greatest shame. I wasn’t supposed to have friends. After what happened to Glitterstar, I was convinced I couldn’t.

But you persisted. You would continue to make jokes and do tricks and do everything possible to try to get me to smile.

I couldn’t help but to smile eventually.

After all, you were just too much like me. Wishing to be a part of the lives of the people most important to you.

How could I deny you that?

And so I opened up to you. We would play and laugh and I would finally feel joy when I was around you.

I would finally feel free

I honestly think it was because of your effect on me that I finally was able to get my own colony. I got in less trouble with my sisters when I had you to run to after all. There was nothing we couldn’t do together.

Which is why I eventually came to be embarrassed by you.

I remember when my sisters called me to tell me they finally gave me a colony. I was so excited. It was everything I had ever wanted!

And then you jumped on me to celebrate the news.

To my shame I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed because I knew how the other diamonds saw you. I knew they thought you were just some toy and I was immature for clinging onto you. I was immature for locking myself away on our garden so that I wouldn’t have to face Glitterstar everyday and see her broken smiling face looking at me as if everything was okay.

Nothing was ever okay.

And you were designed to keep me from being not okay about everything that wasn’t.

But now I could run my own colony.

I always thought that what was wrong with my life was that my sisters never cared about me. That I was just a nuisance to them, that I was just a failure.

That I was the shame they had to look at everyday.

And you were an extension of that shame.

You are the only Spinel in all the Homeworld Empire. You were solely created to placate my “unruly” behavior.

You existed because I was imperfect.

And every time they laughed when they saw you I was reminded of that. That I was a failure of a diamond. A pathetic immature pebble that they just wanted to have away with.

And you were that distraction.

The colony was my chance to prove to them I wasn’t a failure.

But I was scared. I was certain they would still think poorly of me if you came with.

And so I lied to you.

I made up that game. I told you I’d come back. I told you to wait.

And I know with no doubt in my mind that you did.

I didn’t think much of it when I was first running the colony. I was busy. Well, busy in that I had nothing to do, but was certain that going back would give my sisters doubts that I could handle my responsibilities as a diamond. I was busy trying to be perfect. And you were created to pacify a gem who was flawed.

I couldn’t bring myself to go back. I convinced myself it was for the best.

And once the war started…

I knew what I had done was wrong.

But at that point I was scared for a different reason. I wasn’t scared of being imperfect anymore, that was something that would never change about me.

I was scared of getting caught.

If I went back to you, would they know it was me? No one else knew about you but the other diamonds and Pearl. If you suddenly left, would they know it was because of me? Would they realize me for who I am? As Rose and not Pink?

What would they do to me if they realized it? What would they have done to you?

They had already taken Glitterstar away from me.

I convinced myself this was for the best.

I’m so sorry Spinel, but I didn’t find it in myself to be brave enough. I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t risk getting dragged back to my sisters.

I couldn’t help you be free.

I destroyed all the warp panels as soon as I decided to rebel against my sisters’ empire. I knew it was reckless. Stupid.

Selfish.

I have to apologize because my sisters were right. I was always too selfish. I wanted to convince myself that what I was doing was necessary. That there are always sacrifices.

That it was impossible to save you to.

But once I realized that I wasn’t alone in feeling suppressed by my sisters’ rule, it was too late. At least, that’s what I’d try to tell myself. It was too late to save you. To ask you to join me. To join you in finding your own freedom as I strove to be free.

I know it was just an excuse.

An excuse to only worry about my own freedom. An excuse to try to pretend that everything was okay.

An excuse to assuage the guilt that I did exactly to you what my sisters had done to me.

And I’m so sorry for it.

I hope you stop waiting for me. I hope you realize that I never deserved it.

I hope you find someone who will treat you with the love you deserved.

Because there is no redeeming me from the hurt I know I had to have inflicted on you. I manipulated you. I betrayed your trust in me.

I abandoned you.

And I am so sorry for not going back. I promise you though, you will find someone better than me. There are whole worlds of people who are better than me. I hope you find someone who makes you as happy as you made me, because you were the only bright spot I had in a bleak and desolate world.

Live freely Spinel, and live happily,

Sincerely,

Rose


End file.
